Treasure Planet this is Not: HARLOCK: SPACE PIRATE (2013)

KEEP IT UP!
How much longer until I run out of material? Well, yesterday, actually. I had intended on writing up my weekend posts throughout the week, but then I realized I didn't know what other material to cover! So excuse me if the material becomes a little subpar.

I was...going to post Jupiter Ascending...but I pulled the boxart from IMDB and saw the rating of the movie...and realized I probably didn't remember the movie too well. Then I watched the nostalgia critic's review (there's a first time for everything I suppose) and became utterly convinced I had no business posting about the movie at least until I re-watched it.

So, instead, you get to see my first anime post! Sort of...Harlock: Space Pirate! Because I'm in a Space Opera mood.

TITLE: Harlock: Space Pirate


DETAILS:
            DIRECTOR: Shinji Aramaki
            LEAD ACTOR: David Matranga
            ANTAGONIST LEAD:

SUMMARY:

Mankind is dying. Only one man can do anything about it, Space Captain Harlock, but the Gaia Coalition will stop at nothing to end him.

PERSONAL CRITIQUE: 

I sat down and considered re-watching Harlock, and believe me I will at some point because I did enjoy the movie, but not right now. So here's the best impression I can give from one semi-uninterrupted viewing. It is a steam-punk-esque space opera anime about an immortal pirate and his search to save humanity or something. Sounds like anime movie material to me. Evidently there's a manga and anime series out there, I don't know if I'll ever sit down and delve into those though.

There are some particular things that set this movie off, like an issue with lots of things being lost in translation. I don't know how major the differences are, but it's notable that I watch movies with subtitles, I like to read along to reinforce what the characters are saying, and it's particularly helpful with whispering characters. Not in this case, as with many anime the english dub and subtitles from the Japanese dub don't quite match up, generally this will be the addition/absence of small descriptive words, or even articles of little import in other languages, but in the case of Harlock, there's a mass of dialogue changes from the very beginning of the movie, with the narrator telling two different stories.

Harlock: Space Pirate has a terrific atmosphere and really brings out a detail about space opera that seems to draw the most attention, huge space battles. Which was basically the reason for the special effects in Ender's Game as well. Centering on a plot that may be a little outlandish (super outlandish) Harlock jumps into an epic story without much explanation behind how it's possible. Seriously, we hear a lot about there BEING dark matter engines, but no explanation of how it works really except that it doesn't stop working. And...

SPACE SPOILERS!!!

We know that there are aliens, but we don't get a lot of info on their origin or when they were met. Maybe all of this is divulged in the manga, but not in the movie...so that's kind of what I have to base things on. Even though we don't get a TON of detail, we get enough for things to be explained away, which is perfect, I don't think space opera is intended to be Hard Sci-Fi. It's...intended to be space opera.

Benefit of the doubt handed out, we have an awesome immortal protagonist, with a standard issue viewport character who serves both as key plot element, and binding point for both sides of a pretty well told story. Even though we're dropped into the middle of the action, we get plenty of background information to build the world without having read the source material, even if we don't get absolutely everything. There are plenty of characters in the space pirate's crew that avail themselves to a name and rank, and each of them is deserving in their own special, unique way.

All in all, not a bad shot at a sci-fi anime movie. 

RATING: 

Nine out of Ten Immortal Space Pirates would rate this one Three signs of life on a barren planet out of Five.

If you're into anime and sci-fi, this will probably float your boat, I know it floated my gravity distorting, dark matter driven, deathclass cruiser. (Deathclass...)

Just High Enough: DONNIE DARKO (2001)

Keeping up!

Basically one post per day since last Thursday, and just started My Arcade yesterday (you can click that pretty link there if you want). So doing pretty well, last week (sort of) we had a scary movie theme going, this week we seem to be tackling science-fiction. By coincidental choice.

TITLE: Donnie Darko


DETAILS:
            DIRECTOR: Richard Kelly
            LEAD ACTOR: Jake Gyllenhal
            ANTAGONIST LEAD: James Duval

SUMMARY:

A troubled teenager is plagued by visions of a large bunny rabbit that manipulates him to commit a series of crimes, after narrowly escaping a bizarre accident.

PERSONAL CRITIQUE:

Time travel! That's what this movie is all about! That, and freaky bunny rabbit suits...and pot. But no, really, the story centers around the idea that time travel is a real thing. I guess. See we follow Donnie Darko as he struggles with some kind of mental illness and barely survives a plane engine crashing into his home. There are lots of different reasons that might explain this, but its played off at first as just good luck, as he happens to have sleepwalked (is that right) to a golf course instead of lying in his bed and getting crushed by a plane engine! I have a bad sense of time when it comes to movies, or this movie does a bad job looking like it was filmed in the 21st century, I'm not really sure, but I honestly thought this came out in the early 90s until I read up on it today to refresh myself. I actually read a majority of the screenplay online before I watched the movie too. I was, to say the least, intrigued. 

Donnie Darko did not let me down either, despite what I felt was subpar cinematic appeal, the movie itself drew my rapt attention as I attempted to follow the little tidbits of detail dispersed throughout. Did I mention it's about time travel? No joke. Oh, and this guy:

Seriously, Frank the Rabbit is what nightmares are made of! Although, having watched the movie, he strikes significantly less fear in me and more intrigue, because I don't know who he is!

FUTURE SIGHT SPOILERS!!!!

By the end of the movie we do see someone remove the Frank mask, twice in fact, if I'm not mistaken. The thing is, it makes no sense for that to be the case because it would have led Frank to die if he went back in time and saved Donnie from fate. Then again, I think there was some underlying plot that if Donnie didn't die the universe was going to fall apart in a system of diluted causality or something like that. So maybe Frank was meant to be an element of chaos leading toward the end of the world. But this kind of stuff really intrigues me and is kind of why I plan on watching the movie again in the near future, because I love to see characters interacting with the past to change outcomes and trying to figure out what exactly they're attempting to achieve. I'm not sure if Frank achieved what he was aiming for anyway.

Additionally, this movie is supposed to be amazing when you're high. Not my cup of tea, but its a notable aside. Donnie gets involved in some pretty trippy scenes and there are plenty of characters to enlighten us as to the metaphysics of time-travel. (Seriously, I think I'm using all these words wrong.) It has evolved from a cinematic failure to a cult classic, so it has something going for it right? 

RATING:

Nine out of Ten guys in freaky bunny costumes would give this movie Three time-travel theories out of Five.

I plan to go back and rewatch it of course, and Donnie Darko definitely captured me, but it is far from the greatest cinematic experience I've had.

The Enemy's Gate is Where?: ENDER'S GAME (2013)

Consistency!

Okay, so here's a Monday update after a weekend away and three updates on Friday, almost as if a repetition would give me a full week of updates! Wow! So today we hop right into a different genre too, science-fiction! Because that's what I like. Probably my favorite genre! Not to mention this movie is probably based off my favorite book!

But, as with all good books, the movie doesn't quite do it justice. (Okay, maybe not all, but a majority.)

TITLE: Ender's Game


DETAILS:
            DIRECTOR: Gavin Hood
            LEAD ACTOR: Harrison Fo- Asa Butterfield (Sorry)
            ANTAGONIST LEAD: Harrison For- Moises Arias (I guess)

SUMMARY:

Young Ender Wiggin is recruited by the International Military to lead the fight against the Formics, a genocidal alien race which nearly annihilated the human race in a previous invasion.

PERSONAL CRITIQUE:

Too biased to post here, sorry.

Although that's basically true, I guess that's why I label it personal, that and I'm not a professional critic and don't actually know a lot about critiquing movies! On the other hand, the movie does a good job of compressing Ender's story into a feature film. Which is...kind of what I hate about it. I've stated this was my favorite book, and part of the reason was the background information we got beyond Battle School and Command School, which we don't get in the movie. Instead the movie completely removes focus from Earth and what goes on there, leaving us in the dark about Ender's siblings. And...that's about as much as can be said about the movie without spoiling things, so...

SPOILERS!!!

We never get to see the story of Peter and Valentine play out on Earth, causing Peter to remain a purely antagonizing force in the movie, in reality, by the end of the book Peter has become a political leader with the help of Valentine's counter-balancing alter-ego. They do, on the other, hand allow Ender the brief respite that reaffirms the only thing that keeps him functioning is Valentine, his love for her and fear for her safety. I was genuinely surprised at the end of the movie when Ender received visions of the alien queen and found the formic egg, this was a detail I expected to be left out to shave more off the movie's end time. Fortunately, it wasn't, making it a big redeeming factor.

There are portions of the movie that actually overdo the technology Ender has access to, the most notable being the final battle, in which Ender finds himself immersed in a holographic representation of the battle, very much unlike the description in the books. But I get that and can set this detail aside, it's just capitalizing on the technology we do have, versus what Card envisioned when writing the novel ages ago. This final battle scene does culminate properly, with the eventual reveal that Ender has finally brought an end to the war, and the character's reactions are believable and on point! So kudos on that note.

Here's the kicker, most of the cast I thought was well-chosen, the unknowns still seemed like they did their characters justice. Except for one of the knowns...Moises Arias. I know, I know, nitpicky, but Bonzo Madrid gives off an intimidating, bigger kid, image in the book. And unfortunately, Moises is not that. Also, the fight goes slightly differently, with Bonzo's head smashing into a sink or toilet instead of Ender jamming the older boy's nose into his skull (potentially because they picked an actor who was TOO SHORT!) not only that but he doesn't even die, which is a key element to Ender's progression! Wait...he doesn't-

Well thanks wikipedia. I'm not sure how accurate this is, I don't remember it being referenced directly in the movie, at some point I'll have to buy the DVD and watch it again to verify, but generally wikipedia is accurate. And what the heck?!

So there's all of that, and granted I name mostly negative things, and they mostly pertain to the end of the movie. But still, I couldn't come out of it hating it, so there's always that.

RATING:

Nine out of Ten Children forced to become soldiers would give it Three Ploys for genocide (Xenocide?) out of Five.

I enjoyed the movie, but there were enough changes to set me off, and besides, I'm still waiting for the rest of the Ender Saga and Shadow Saga to make appearances on the big screen.

Musical Murder: SWEENEY TODD, THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET (2007)

ONWARD AND UPWARD!

Okay, I realize I'm posting a lot, from a rapid decline to rapid posting, but this one is a bit different. I still feel like writing so I am, but I kind of ran out of scary movies I recently seen, or at least new ones (would do Krampus if we had actually gone and seen it...). So, I asked my fiancée what she thought I should type up and she said Harry Potter (because we watched The Prisoner of Azkaban and I fell asleep to Goblet of Fire last night). The problem? I haven't watched them all and I'm honestly not a huge fan, I prefer my wizard main characters few and far between or animated (because that's how I grew up with them and have been most exposed to them). But, we watched those in honor of the passing of Alan Rickman, so I thought, I'm a pretty big fan of another movie Alan Rickman performed in, so let's start there.

TITLE: Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

DETAILS:

            DIRECTOR: Tim Burton

            LEAD ACTOR: Johnny Depp

            ANTAGONIST LEAD: Alan Rickman

Yes! Just yes! Can we stop real quick? Tim Burton, probably one of my favorite directors, I mean, I really like his work. Johnny Depp, probably my favorite actor, seriously? He's Johnny friggin' Depp. Alan Rickman is just a stunning antagonist, even when he's not pure evil (but uh, here he is, so yeah.)

SUMMARY:

The infamous story of Benjamin Barker, AKA Sweeney Todd, who sets up a barber shop down in London which is the basis for a sinister partnership with his fellow tenant, Mrs. Lovett. Based on the hit Broadway musical.

PERSONAL CRITIQUE:

First of all, every movie I posted before this one, I have watched only once, so pardon Sweeney for getting a bit of love from the 3,000 plus times I've watched it. Secondly, every movie I've posted before this was directed by people I'm unfamiliar with, or generally dislike, (The exception being Guillermo, but I didn't even know what he did, except for movies I hadn't watched before hand like Pan's Labyrinth and the Orphanage.) so forgive Burton his high position on my list. And number C: those other movies I featured actors I was mostly unfamiliar with, but the honorable Judge Turpin is Alan Rickman, so get over it.

This is a movie I actually want to post more of the cast for, mainly just Helena Bonham Carter, but how about that Jamie Bower- WHAT?! You don't know Jamie Bower? Cool, I didn't either until I looked him up and found out he later starred as Jace in the Mortal Instruments, and Caius in Twilight. (I did not care for Twilight, I am biased against vampires that aren't vampires.) 

Stop fanboying and get to the point! Okay, so the point is I like musicals, and I like this cast, so naturally I like this movie. It has some terrific musical numbers which I have listened to probably more than I ought, even the worst of them earning a spot somewhere in my playlists, and the plot is dark enough to almost quantify this movie as a horror movie. 

SPOILERS!!!  Do I even need that here?

Y'know, a dark plot, something like, killing people for the sadistic pleasure of it and then baking them into pies and serving those pies to people who will probably later also be turned into pies. Sweeney is a barber, properly named Benjamin Barker (BBB), who was separated from his wife by the honorable Judge Turpin in an attempt to win the lady's heart. Turpin eventually raped Todd's wife (as is heavily implied) and adopted his daughter, as part of an evil plan to marry her once she comes of age. Step forward several years (like a lot, sixteen I guess?) and BBB has escaped from prison into the sea and is rescued by Anthony. Boom, the song that sets the setting, the characters are at "a hole in the world like a great black pit that is filled with people who are filled with-" whoa Sweeney, let's keep it PG.

Also we get the backstory I just described, but in song, with slightly less details, which will be provided a little later by Mrs. Lovett, who makes meat pies. But, they're the worst pies in London. Umm...wait, I'm not supposed to summarize the plot am I...sorry, I really like this movie. 

Anyway, everyone in this movie is an alcoholic, and all the actors do an amazing job. It's really not fair that Burton and Todd are in such big letters and Rickman goes basically unnoticed (at least as far as box art is concerned) because he does a terrific job as the vile and corrupt judge. Seriously, he was born to play the part, or maybe just raised to, whatever.

RATING:

Nine out of Ten gin drinking orphans would rate this one Five bloody razors, out of Five.

I can't say that this isn't biased, I love this movie, and although I'm sure there are flaws in the movie, there are none that I feel worth pointing out, or even noticing. There is one mistake though, no sequel featuring Anthony and Johanna escaping London, only to be hunted by Toby who wishes to end Barker's family line since he killed the only mother figure the orphan had.

Now Trending, Horror Movies: CRIMSON PEAK (2015)

TOO MUCH! Too, too much.

So I'm still sitting here typing, it doesn't take much for me to compose these, they're not even solely my ideas, and a majority of the writing is just spoilers, so I take the info right out of the movie itself. I suppose technically you're supposed to avoid spoilers and just talk about your own opinions, to which I say- scary movie time!

TITLE: Crimson Peak


DETAILS: 
            DIRECTOR: Guillermo Del Toro

            LEAD ACTRESS: Mia Wasikowska
            LEAD ANTAGONIST: Jessica Chastain

SUMMARY:

In the aftermath of a family tragedy, an aspiring author is torn between love for her childhood friend and the temptation of a mysterious outsider. Trying to escape the ghosts of her past, she is swept away to a house that breathes, bleeds - and remembers.

PERSONAL CRITIQUE:

Need I point out again how easily I scare? No? Awesome, but see, this movie didn't scare me as much as some others, and not for the reasons that you're thinking. It's not like The Visit, where the movie was just a total disappointment, and it wasn't just some terrible gore-fest that served no purpose, it was...a Del Toro film, and unlike Shyamalan, Guillermo seems to do things right all the time.

Now in fairness, this does not touch the scare factor of some of Guillermo's previous films, it has basically nothing on the Orphanage, but it makes up for it with what I think I enjoy most about his movies, a compelling story and some fantastic film-work. The characters each have their own little charms and the setting is unique in its own right. Sure, it's a classic scary movie setting, a house in the hills with nobody around for miles, but it's different. I watched some video about how the colors in the film help to set the mood and how there's this close attention to detail, and while I'm sure that's true, I didn't actually notice it, so I'll just say the movie had a very good ambience that really put me on the right path.

Are you ready to hear about it? No? Skip the...

Sorry, real quick, I was going to put an actual image of the super spooky ghost of her mother, but then I saw this, and I was like "Why the heck does that exist?!"

SPOILERS!!! ...then.

Okay, so Victorian England, a man with a plan, a man who had a plan and succeeded, and the latter's daughter. Sound good enough? The latter man gets killed by presumably the former man, and the daughter runs away with the dashing heir to a dying family. Stereotypical enough to set the story, but you're wrong. First of all, the former man did not make the kill, it was his crazy sister. Alright, let's move forward:

The heir to the dying family who has exhausted all of his riches on a supposedly good idea, marries a rich woman after offing her dad, we all see where this is going, she's going to be killed. Big surprise when she starts finding mementos of his previous wives. Oh, and his crazy sister is force-feeding our heroine porridge. Good enough to get the drift? It's poison.

The former gentleman resists his sister's urgings, blah blah blah, knife fight, death. Running, running running, more death. It's all very predictable and every time I see it I get a little more upset that these women don't recognize what's going on! Blinded by love or whatever. But clearly, first of all, this lady is not getting EVERY detail like we are, and just as important, she's never watched a major motion picture (I think, I'm pretty sure those weren't around until the 1900s and this movie was set pre-20th century). Now Guillermo did nail one scary thing, the little girl's ghostly mother coming back and haunting her, and then the handsome lover's ex-wives' ghosts haunting her. But these things are much less scary when it's relatively clear they mean only good. I mean, the spooky ghost mommy out right tells her to "beware the Crimson Peak," even in the trailer! We know before we even watch the movie that one of the two siblings are up to no good, and the ghosts aren't actually evil. Well, I mean, we can make that assumption. We can also assume I guess that she was warned against the Crimson Peak because of the other ghosts haunting it, but, unlike other ghost movies where there's some ridiculous story about ghosts having to feed off your fear or whatever, or them just not being strong enough, these ghosts have been living in this house with two people for an extended period of time, they clearly aren't out for blood or they would have drawn it already.

Also, there's a semi-romantic ploy at the beginning, and then much later, that implies she should be with the doctor who comes to save her life instead of with the villain's brother, but...I felt like he was almost glossed over. I nearly forgot he existed until he came back into the movie. In fact, I typed this part up as an afterthought because I forgot he was in the movie.

All of that aside though, good movie. Not the scariest, and not the absolute best plot, but I'll give Guillermo that he definitely did his job.

RATING: 

Nine out of Ten Doctors who should have been loved, would give this movie Three dogs that disappear in the snow, out of Five.

Aokigiha-whatever: THE FOREST (2016)

AGAIN! WITH FEELING!

Am I seriously about to update twice in one week? It sure looks like it!

TITLE: The Forest


DETAILS: 
            DIRECTOR: Jason Zada
            LEAD ACTRESS: Natalie Dormer
            ANTAGONIST LEAD: Takako Akashi Whoops, I've said too much.

SUMMARY: 
A woman goes into Japan's Suicide Forest to find her twin sister, and confronts supernatural terror.

PERSONAL CRITIQUE:
Critiquing myself as a person, I get scared pretty easily, seriously, place a hand on my shoulder when I don't know you're there, I'm liable to scream and stab you with whatever's in my pocket. Critiquing this movie, is hard, I peered through half-open eyes the entire time! Not necessarily representing how scary it is, just how easily scared I am, but seriously:
 
It earned them! A lot of the horror in this film is actually drudged up in atmosphere instead of imagery, don't get me wrong, there are some super spooky ghosts, but the cast did a terrific job with sound effects and lighting. Movies hardly have to work to get me scared, and this one used mere setting alone to set me off. And old women and japanese school girls, seriously-

HOSHIKO! GET OUT OF MY BLOG! Okay, are you ready to skip over an underlined portion? I'm not! So...

 SPOILERS AHEAD!

Okay so as I said, the movie didn't have to make too much effort to scare me, but it did, right down to giving me a character I knew I couldn't trust, but thought maybe I could, until she turned into a straight up demon girl. And not like, red-skinned, pointy-tailed, scantily-clad succubus demon girl, like nightmare fuel demon girl. You've got a pretty in-depth plan too, from before she walks into the forest, you have a general idea of where this may be heading, though you won't catch it until she's stabbing a completely innocent man in the chest because Michi's mantra doesn't help her "If it's bad it's not real," may not be the best advice in a forest full of dead bodies, just seeing those things without being actively haunted is horrifying! There was this one terrific portion though, toward the end, where it ended. The movie speaks on women's duty to remain in the kitchen, she can't use a knife to save her life! Literally, not figuratively, while trying to remove the zombified hand of her dead father, she cuts her own wrist like six times, and then dies. I can accept that the whole point of Aokigihara is that people who wander in and are susceptible to its charms ultimately kill themselves, but she kills herself on accident, because she cut BETWEEN the villain's fingers. It doesn't even make sense! 

Real quick, before I get any sexist flack, the comment about women staying in the kitchen is a joke, I do most of the cooking in my relationship, but seriously, everyone should know how to handle a knife.

But yeah, outside of that stuff this was actually a terrific movie! Even without going to see it as a scary movie, it had a pretty good plot overall and it wasn't ridiculously reliant on jump-scares and ridiculous tropes. (Tropes yes, ridiculous no.)

RATING:
Nine out of Ten Misunderstood good guys, would give it Four out of Five Repurposed Nooses.

This one earned a spot in my "this movie both scared me and intrigued me" list, right alongside the Village, which is slightly less scary now, but whatever.

Shyamalamadingdong: THE VISIT (2015)

So...

Let's start with, yes, I still didn't update even though I said I would, and that is because...the movie sucked. It's hard for me to write about something I don't like. Let's get this out of the way, Shyamalan, stop making movies. Especially don't ever wander off to a country home alone and decide to make a movie without consulting other professionals! Seriously?

Don't get me wrong, everything Shyamalan has produced has not been garbage...just his recent stuff. I really enjoyed the Village, though I didn't grasp all the little details the first time. Maybe that was because I was much younger, maybe the Visit actually had the same effect and I just didn't see it, but I would never associate the two.

TITLE: The Visit

DETAILS:

            DIRECTOR: M. Night Shyamalan

            LEAD ACTORS: Olivia Dejonge and Ed Oxenbould

            ANTAGONIST LEAD: Deanna Dunagan and Peter McRobbie

            

SUMMARY: 

Two siblings become incredibly frightened by their grandparents disturbing behavior, while visiting them on vacation.

PERSONAL CRITIQUE:

Just STOP! I can not say enough negative things about this movie! That might be a bit hyperbolic on my part, but seriously, it was disappointing, more so when we consider that the trailers actually made me want to watch it. But then again, the advertisements for the movie made me think of supernatural events, probably pertaining to possession, with a nice addition of "old people are scary." What I got was subpar at best as far as terror in plot is concerned, then again, this was probably the most realistic scary movie setting of all time. There's a positive, most of the time when scary movies are "based on a true story" it's an oddball one in one-million true story, and this presumably original idea seemed more like a one in ten-thousand chance of happening. Shall I spoil it? Let's! (So don't read beyond if you haven't seen it and want to. Or just skip the underlined section.)

Okay, so, the film starts with the two main characters going to spend a week with their estranged grandparents while their mother is off on a cruise. Seems normal so far. These children have never seen these grandparents as prior to their birth their mother had a spat with them. Not unheard of. Here's the kicker, this topic is super taboo with the grandparents, they absolutely refuse to discuss anything regarding the children's mother. I'll grant to Shyamalan that this portion of misleading information is well-constructed, because lo and behold, they are not the children's grandparents. Nope, they apparently are mental patients who escaped the psych ward and murdered the real Nana and Pop Pop in order to take their place in this delightful vacation with the kids. A lot of details that previously looked like possession scenes are then revealed to just be psychotic episodes, or whatever the correct term is for what these guys have.

There's a lot of light-hearted banter in the film between the siblings, and some less than satisfactory scenes with the young boy rapping. I don't have anything against people pursuing their dreams and I don't have anything against modernizing a movie or adding some childish entertainment, but Shyamalan seems to have forced these scenes into the film, and they have negative effects. I'm not saying he's not a good rapper, I don't really have an opinion, but I didn't feel like it belonged in the film. A redeeming quality of the use of this young character is his attempt to censor his own foul mouth, and the subsequent failures. Resolving to replace his curse words with the names of pop culture stars, Tyler provides us with some fantastic "Oops" moments. 

RATING: 

Nine out of Ten Psych Ward Escapees would give it Two used adult diapers, out of Five. 

In my opinion, this film stinks. With the exception of an unforeseen but disappointing twist ending and the oops scenes with our tiny hero, I feel like it should have never hit theaters.