I face a confusing situation, in my pre-movie observations, on the one-hand, many movies receive reviews that mislead me, for instance, The Witch, receiving mostly positive reviews and praise. On the other hand, we have Gods of Egypt, which did not disappoint quite as much as reviews suggested, but still was not a terrific cinematic experience. Anyway:
TITLE: Gods of Egypt
SUMMARY:
Mortal hero Bek teams with the god Horus in an alliance against Set, the merciless god of darkness who has usurped Egypt's throne, plunging the once peaceful and prosperous empire into chaos and conflict.
PERSONAL CRITIQUE:
I am no professional critic, we have reviewed this often, I am merely a man with an opinion. In my opinion, this was not a fantastic movie, on the other hand, I do think this could have made an amazing game. Could have being the keyword. Let's just start with the first major problem I spot, the entirety of the movie is CGI, the characters are of varying proportions, I understand, the gods needed to seem like gods, but this doesn't necessarily require that you make them bigger than the mortals. Just make them a little flashier, heck, keep them in their Animorph form and let them be 100% CGI, instead of the bungled mess that is extra large normal humans next to shrunken normal humans.
Follow this up with what may very well be simply atrocious casting, or at the very least, generally terrible acting, and we're faced with a computer generated monster. Not the one that is apparently threatening the entire existence of the universe either. This one is worse than Aphophis. By the way, Apophis, ever heard of him? No? Put your hand down Egyptologist, no? Good, no one else has, and no one would blame you if you thought he was stolen straight out of Norse mythology. Come to think of it, what are the odds that almost every religion makes reference to a serpentine creature that will potentially bring about the downfall of all creation?
Right, the casting, I don't know if it's the actors' fault, or just really poor direction, but the characters in this movie do not reach their audience. For the most part they're just sort of there, and they only seem to portray any real connectivity to the situation itself when it's absolutely essential. "Oh, you're the Goddess of Love," yet you don't have the necessary concern about you to- do humane things. Add to this all around horrible character decisions, like letting a mad man take the throne with a dozen gods present who could very easily tag team him, or, I don't know, letting that same mad man run rampant with power immediately after instead of striking out with your godly powers, and you have some outstandingly poor characters. This is ALMOST redeemed with Horus and Bek's characterizations, except that Horus, with his all-seeing eyes, is basically ignorant of everything around him, and Bek, who is clearly very agile and skilled, pulls off everything through sheer good luck. "Roll the bones," as he says.
All of this is tied together with one thing that is absolutely amazing, they cast the Scottish raised Irishman as an Egyptian god. Don't get me wrong, Butler is a very convincing psychopath (because that is literally all the thought that went into Set's character "What if he's just crazy?" "I love it! Do it!") but in a cast of characters who do a pretty good job of not sounding out of place, all of them generally speaking what might be considered unaccented English, Butler can't help but drop a few accents into the movie. Maybe that's just more what made Seth a complete loon? What do you mean his name's Set, his lover called him Seth, I'm pretty sure she would know. Oh, did I not mention that? Look, guys, if you're going to do it wrong, just do it wrong and get it over with, call the bad guys one name, and call them the right name, or the wrong name (which they nailed on Apep, a.k.a. Apophis.)
Did I mention the entire movie is Computer Generated? Seriously, and I don't really have a problem with that. I mean, I really enjoy animated stuff. The thing is, it's trying to be realistic CGI, I guess? Plus, it's super flashy, like more so than the last three J.J. Abrams movies of note (in case you're wondering, that's Star Trek, Star Trek, and Star Wars.)
SPOILER TIME!!!
Now, real quick, I just want to touch on the plot a minute. Set steals Horus' eyes, presumably so that he can't be opposed by the most powerful of his rivals (because Gods know no one else could touch him apparently.) Nope, he's actually on this mad killing quest so that he can collect the essence of each God, in order to become the ultimate life form. But even then he won't be satisfied. It's rather obvious looking back on it, but in the heat of the movie you don't catch it, and I suppose that's good. Stealing Horus' eyes, again, easy enough to explain. Then he cuts off his ex-ladies wings (I called her Neith, I think they called her Neithis, I'm pretty certain she's "the weaver.") This is your first hint, the next? A little bit of dialogue from Horus to Bek "(Osiris) was cut into 14 pieces...they never found his heart." I don't quite remember what daddy's heart did, but uncle wanted it, so he took it, just like any crazy uncle. Then comes the last piece of the puzzle, Thoth's mind. Which conveniently gets drawn out by our heroes, of course.
But that's not all, he becomes this all powerful creature, goes to see his daddy (that'd be Ra) and kills him, or it looks like he does anyway, and steals his spear. But not to take up daddy's position as guardian of all of existence, no, in order to wipe all of existence from...existence...by calling Apophis forth to devour the Nile...apparently the source of all life. Seriously? Your plan is to kill EVERYTHING, turning the world back into Chaos? When was the last time that worked? Oh yeah, never.
But yeah, that's the movie in a nutshell. It's not quite as bad as all of that negativity sounds, it's still a reasonably interesting story, set against some relatively untouched mythology, with a decent cast backing it up. Still would have made a better game. Hmmm....
RATING:
Nine out of Ten Transformer Gods would give this movie Three All Seeing Eyes, out of Five.
Not the best, but definitely not the worst, check it out when the opportunity presents itself, but don't go out of your way and spend a lot on it.
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